Ypur Shit Is My Business Funny Septic

Pooping is just like Game of Thrones.

You either win or you die.

Pooping in public is fine for me

That's what I used to think before I got arrested

Pooping is kinda like being in a relationship...

It's amazing at first but when it's over you feel empty inside.

I wouldn't say pooping is my favorite activity.....

But it's a solid number two.

Just pooped my pants.

Which is weird, because I don't even remember eating them.

Pooping is depressing...

You just sit there til you feel empty inside...

How does baby Yoda pooped when he was constipated?

He forces it out.

Little girl with poop on her arm joke

Mom plays hilarious prank on daughter. LesLee Davis was on the toilet in her house in Aztec (US) and decided to prank her daughter Adilee. She put peanut butter on her arm and pretended it was poo. When the little girl saw it and almost threw up she told her the truth.
Watch it here

What does poop smoke?

Butt crack.

My son swalled a bunch of scrabble tiles.

His next poop could spell disaster.

„I recently started to measure how much I poop. „Yeah, I do that too: I jump on the scale before and after doing my business.

„Well, ... that's another way to do it.

You can explore poop peed reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean poop mush dad jokes. There are also poop puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Old folks home

Three old fellas are seated on the front porch of their old folks home. The first one says " I like this place but the only problem I have is I can't pee first thing in the morning. " The second guy says I like our place too It's really really nice but I can't poop first thing in the morning. " The third guy says about 6:00 every morning I pee like a racehorse. And then about 8:00 in the morning I crap so good it would amaze you. Only problem I have is I don't wake up till 9:00.

So a pirate walks into a bar and sits down next to a man.

The man says, How did you get your peg leg?

The pirate says, A cannon blew me leg straight off.

The man asks, How did you get your hook?

The pirate says, I lost it in a sword fight.

The man asks, How did you get your eye patch?

The pirate says, I was looking at the clouds and a seagull pooped in my eye.

The man says, You lost your eye because of poop?

The pirate says, Nay, it was my first day with the hook.

Everyone knows that girls don't poop, but I'm starting to think they don't get naked too

I don't know about you but I've never seen one

Two pieces of poop are having a heated argument. A cup of urine tries to calm them down. One of the poops says Hey, screw off...

...this is a fecal matter!

It is said that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor.

Poop! /s

What kind of window helps you poop?

Fiberglass.

When you say poop your mouth moves the same way your a-hole does.

The same goes for "explosive diarrhea".

"Has poop ever won the race?"

"No, but they get close. You see, they're always No. 2."

What's Blue and lies under a mushroom ?

Smurf poop

What do you call a reptile shaped poop?

A turdle

What do you use to pick up turtle poop in Mario?

A Koopa Troopa Poopa Scoopa

3 men in a nursing home are sitting and reminiscing.

First man says, I wish I could just go pee as easily when I was younger. It's getting harder and harder to do so as the years pass.

The second guy says, I can pee just fine but I would give anything to be able to poop with no trouble. It's getting more difficult even with fruits and veggies.

Last guy says, Oh, I have no problem with that. Every morning at 8:00 I just go like the Nile. Then at 8:30 I crap till everything's out. Now if only I could wake up before 9:00.

Poop jokes aren't my favourite kind of joke.

But they are a solid #2.

2 flies are sitting on a piece of poop.

the other one farts and the first fly says "hey, i'm trying to eat here!"

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants,

but he's still making fun of me.

A guy says to his wife: "Thanks to that new scale you bought, I always know how much I poop!"

Wife: "So you step on the scale before you poop, go to the toilet, step on the scale again and the difference is the weight of your poop?

He: Oh, yeah, I guess you could also do it that way...

Regular as clockwork...

Every morning I pee at 6:15AM, then poop at 6:30AM. Problem is I don't wake up until 7AM.

Did you hear about the guy who got Covid from eating poop?

He was bat shit crazy.

A man walks into a pub holding a dog poop in his hands

He says to his friend "eww, look what I nearly stepped in"

What do you call a person that sells cow poop?

An entre-manure

As new parents my wife and I had to deal with the first poop in the bath.

My daughter thought it was hilarious. I thought it was hilarious. My wife thinks I'm too old to be pooping in the bath.

Jokes about poop aren't my favorite.

But they are a solid #2.

I don't want to deal with shit from last year

Therefore, I just had my first poop in 2021

From my 13 year old brother: I had to pause my game today to take a massive poop...

It was the Call of Doodie.

This morning I told my wife, The only thing I don't like about robes is that you can't poop in them . She nodded her head understandingly.

I said, Yeah the pockets are just too small.

What happens when you poop in an elevator?

You take that shit to another level.

How are pooping at someone else's house, and a first date the same?

You really hope both *go down*.

I just swallowed a stack of Scrabble tiles by accident.

My next poop could spell disaster!

Son: Daddy, do trees poop?

Father: Of course, That's how we get number 2 pencils.

Did you know that mushrooms are really similar to frog poop?

They're toadstools.

A joke my 9 year old made up: How do you get poop on your sister's forehead?

With dad's toothbrush

What do call it when poop gets stuck to a reindeer's ass?

Jingleberries

[OC] I came up with it on the toilet

My personal trainer told me eat healthy like he does. I eat healthy, but not like him. He eats super clean and that is hard for me. I asked him what would be the benefit for me? He said he eats so clean he doesn't even have to poop anymore.

I think he's full of crap.

A couple of flies are feasting on a fresh piece of poop.

One of the flies rips a big fart.

The other fly yells "Come on man, I'm eating here!!"

Old lady in a bus

OL: stop the bus. I need to poop.
BD: gran, I can't stop the bus. We're 30 mins to a rest stop. Hold it in. It's just your imagination.
OL: really, stop the bus. It's peaking.
BD: it's just your imagination.
5 mins later, BD stopped the bus as he smelled something awful.
BD: gran, did you just shit on my bus? It smells awful.
OL: O come on son. Drive along now, it's just your imagination.

Mom! I'm a 3d printer!

Oh come on, Johnny, close the door when you poop.

A plumber is working on draining a septic tank when he falls in the poop and is drowned when the pipe sucks him under. At his funeral, the minister stands up and says:

We are gathered here today to remember our friend, the plumber, >!who was killed in the line of doody.!<

The best knock knock joke EVER

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Poop. .

Poop who?

Ha ha ! you said poo poo!

My daughter made that up.
I am so proud!

When you say poop your mouth makes the same shape as your butt when you poop

The same is true with explosive diarrhea

Two men are deep in the woods, hunting, when one of them realizes he has to poop.

He turns to the other man, and says "What do I use to wipe myself?" "Use a dollar, then toss it in the bush" the other man replies. So after about twenty minutes, man number one comes back, covered in shit. His hunting partner, filled with surprise and disgust, said "What happened?! I thought I told you to use a dollar!" To which the man replied "I did! Three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel!"

What do you call a poop in a wheelchair?

A handicrap.

Two guys walking down the road see a pile of dog poop

One says, "hey that looks like dog poop". Then he bends over and touches it. He says, "feels like dog poop". The other bends over and sniffs it. Says, "smells like dog poop". Then he sticks his finger in it and tastes it. He says "tastes like dog poop". The other one says, "Well, good thing we didn't step in it!!"

Note: little boys crack right up all the way through with this joke. Something about poop is enormously funny to boys.

I have become a master at cleaning my baby after a poop.

I'm a #2 dad.

Sometimes a poop is a classical symphony

It has multiple movements

My new dog is a poop machine.

I tallied each pile as I cleaned up the yard. I stopped counting at 288, because that's two gross.

I pooped in an elevator.

I guess you can say I took that shit to another level.

I was at a Safari, when the guide told us, If you ever see a lion charging, reach behind your back and fling some poop at the lion to startle him.

Me: Where will I find the poop?

Guide: Trust me, it'll be there.

I have this incredible talent, where I can swallow two strings and poop them out tied together.

I shit you knot.

My friend with a poop fetish asked me for a favour

'Do me a solid', he said

I like pooping

but it takes a lot out of me.

Why do cats bury their poop?

Because if they bronzed it and put it on a shelf, it would be a catastrophe!

Walked into my baby son's nursery only to see my wife standing in poop with it smeared all over the walls and furniture asking, Who did this?!

I said it was not apparent.

Poop joke

I took my baby daughter to get her shots. As the pediatrician asks us about feeding and activities, she drops the question "How's the poop?"

I replied "I don't know. I haven't tried it."

I am not allowed to go to her doctor's appointments. :(

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Source: https://jokojokes.com/poop-jokes.html